January 20th, 2006

It’s been several days since I last wrote. Not too much new has been going on.

I auditioned on Monday and was approved to play piano with a worship team. Next Thursday morning I am playing from 2-4am because one of the keyboardists is going out of town.
Right now there isn’t an opening for me to play regularly, but I am praying that I get involved with a certain team.

I saw Cory and his parents yesterday. He had been in D.C. leading worship at an event. Skip and Janet are over here looking for a house. It is nice to see familiar faces.

This week during our 12-6 prayer room time, my core leader has us all reading John 13-17, and then picking a few verses from John 13 to meditate on for a couple of hours. It is a discipline I have never tried to develop before, and the rewards are unbelievable. Spending hours on the same 3 verses forces me deep into the heart of God. I ask Him questions about it and read other verses along the same lines or that help me understand those verses. I write down thoughts that come to my mind.
For example, last night one thing I was focusing on was John 13:21, “After saying these things, Jesus was troubled in spirit, and testified, ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.’ The disciples looked at each other, uncertain of whom He spoke.” And the fact that even though Jesus had known for eternity that He would be betrayed by one of His own, when it came to the moment, His spirit was troubled.
I think if I was Jesus and I was about to be brutally beaten and killed and have the sin of the world put upon me and have my Father turn His face from me for the first time ever, I don’t think I would be so concerned by the little thief who was going to turn me in.
But He was. In the light of all of that was coming, the fact that Judas was going to betray Him hurt Him. And I think even more than that, I think He was grieved for Judas. He had invested 3 years into his life, taught and loved him. And Judas was lost to the devil, forever.

Anyway, all that to say, until I sat down and meditated on this verse, I never considered what Jesus thought about Judas. In my mind, since He always knew the little burger was going to turn on Him, He didn’t really care much for him or put a lot into him. But that wasn’t the case.

So I am glad that I am being forced to learn this discipline. I am very excited about all that it will teach me about God and His ways and deeds.

Love you all,
Amanda :)